Friday - Finally

Not that there's anything big planned for tonight like there was last week but it's nice to know that the week's over and I get to relax for the next 3 days. Yes that's right 3... Monday's a holiday so i get to keep my happy ass in bed Monday morning for as long as Tristan will let me sleep.

Back's still killing me. I am in desperate need of a massage. I actually started a tax return for an awesome young massage therapist the other day, maybe I should give her a call. Or there's always Magic Fingers, I always knew she would do something with those amazing hands of hers. Either way I am in need of a rub down.

Had dinner with the soon to be ex last night... it was oddly productive I guess. We were polite and able to speak as friends I believe. I did get upset a few times but nothing drastic. 7 years is alot of time to invest in 1 person and not be upset about it.

ok well i've had an extremely crazy day, super fun for once but crazy. I totally think i've scared a few people away... hope not... but who knows.

So getting hopes up... I figure I do better when i don't get those pesky hopes up, no expectations. but it's so hard for me to live without hopes and expectations. I'm not sure what i'm feeling, i know what i want to feel but the feelings are hiding out in a deep dark corner until they are prompted to evacuate. so who's going to pull that damn fire alarm? somebody's gotta - i only hope it's the right person.

In Talking to K:
we figured this out
K:
see dude you are a lot like me
did you eer feel like you were the man in your relationship with kyle
B:
oh fuck yea all the time
K:
sometimes i feel like my and mine hubbys roles are reversed
B:
my parents even said i was the 1 who wore the pants
K:
HA HA HA
B:
no joke
K:
i wear the pants becuas emy husband wont
so what am i to do
then he resents it
its like man up and grow balls
B:
dude i'm not sure there is much you can do about it... i just hope yours doesnt' end like mine... we're alot alike personality wise... we very strong in our beliefs and only willing to sway if we can be proven factually wrong... i think men see that as a challenge and then find out later on they can't handle it
K:
HAHAHA you summed it up totally
but the thing is
i have dated people who were like No, this is how I want it
and becuase they stand up to me
i give respect and it's not my way all the time
B:
yup
K:
so its not like i have to be that way
but men bring it out of me
B:
and it's always gonna be that way for us i think... also having kids gives us more reason to stand strong for ourselves and our kids
K:
oh yeah


Well awesome to hell in 60 seconds...
Kyle just called to tell me he was offered and declined a job in Dallas, which is apparently the 4th largest Triple A market in the country, because he didn't want to leave "us". I wish he would freaking leave. It would make my like a million times easier. Also I wish he would stop rubbing his success (which is half because of me) in my face. Why did i fucking sacrifice for 7 years to get him to where he wanted to be just to get dumped on... oh well i did it because we were supposed to be a team. we were supposed to take care of each other... right that's what you do when your married.... oooooh fuck him. This is why i drink.

Sometimes it's like he's pouring salt in an open wound for the fun of it. Above anything else I hate feeling used... just because i have my shit straight, and have a good head on my shoulders doesn't mean the losers of the world can latch on for a ride to where they want to go. I don't have the will to push anyone else up the ladder, i can barely make it up myself at this point.

This should have been added earlier - but here we go.
Song of the day - Aerosmith - Dream on