Down

AM
Sometimes I really can't help but be down on myself...
Today - it's who and why would anyone want me... I feel used up, like everything I've ever had is just drained. Like I'm not good enough... I hate these days.

PM
Jess brought up a good point today.
Are we too willing and eager to jump into a relationship because we're lonely?

I am a relationship person, have been since my first boyfriend @ 16. I have was married for 6 years and together with my soon to be ex for 7 1/2 years. Before that I was in a 2 year relationship, and before that another 2 year relationship. I am 27 years old so if you do the math that puts me in a relationship for the last 11 years. Since I started dating, I have not been alone, without boyfriend/ husband for more than a 3 month period, and generally that 3 month period was that long because I wanted it to be.

It's obvious, I'm vulnerable right now. Who wouldn't be in my situation, and lonely sometimes, yes. But I don't have to be alone if I don't want to be. I'm just not sure I know how to be alone. I definitely am not familiar with being a single mom and how that will affect future relationships. So far guys seem to be OK with the dating a girl with a kid thing, and I mean I'm not the slut whore who just got pregnant by mistake girl. I was married for 3 years and my son was very planned. Husband just decided to bail, that's not my fault right. (well at least I'm told by most people including him that I'm not to blame) I was a good wife, and I'm a great mother. All I wanted to do was take care of my family.

So far, with guys that is, (yes already guys and I'm not 2 months single), I've fallen back to be my same old self. I'm particular. I always have been. It's not about money, it's not about job, I'm not looking for someone to take care of me, I can do that on my own... it's about comfort. I shouldn't have to feel like I need to impress you, because I don't have the energy to impress anyone, never have, it's just a waste. I only want to be me and I don't think that's too much to ask for someone to accept me for me. I'm pretty damn awesome. And the most attractive thing to me is comfort. I love it best waking up on a Saturday morning, hairs a mess, throw on some ratty old pants and a t-shirt and just hang out. Confidence can be attractive, but more of a naive confidence. Just being comfortable with who you are and not looking to impress.

wow... am I the girl that guys just want to date, not settle down with, but just date. (well that's probably every girl because 99% of men are assholes) Dating's weird for me, I'm apparently an amazing flirt, (thanks Jess for that backhanded compliment) but once things progress I immediately turn into relationship Brit.

And - this was supposed to be posted yesterday!