Stressed out, Sneaking veggies into Tristan's diet, Broke, and Wedding Planning

I am beyond stressed out right now and I've yet to pinpoint the trigger.
Maybe it's that I've not taken the time to force myself to do yoga on a daily basis; maybe there's too much on my plate; maybe it's the thought of a wedding, tiny, huge or even eloping; maybe not having a job is leaving me with too much alone time to think... and a hundred other reasons.

If Tristan had it the way he wanted it he would live on Cheetos. While I despise snack foods and all the lack of nutrition they bring to an empty stomach, I occasionally will agree to let them cross the threshold. Recently I've had to find new and sometimes seemingly disgusting ways to sneak veggies into his diet. For Steven & I it's not really a huge deal, we are way more happy with a plate of grilled veggies than any super sweet cake you throw our way. We've even said we probably will forgo the cake at any reception that may follow whatever ceremony we eventually choose. But back to Tristan's veggie dilemma. From an early age he's had a skill in picking out the one green thing in his mouth and promptly spitting out only that 1 green item. It's amazing to me that this is possible, but he's a kid so maybe it's a talent he'll grow out of. Recently I've went so far as to take a cup of our stir fry veggies, blending it, adding tomato to it for red coloring and passing it off as pasta sauce over his rice. Today he's eating veggie chicken nuggets. I just can't figure out why oh why it's so hard to get a kid to eat halfway decent... wait i remember... it's the grandparents.

I find it sad personally that today I downloaded an app for my phone to track my daily spending. I know I'm a shopper, I get it honestly. (Thanks Mom) but it sucks when you get to a point where there are almost no options... I guess I should start saving now so I don't get too overwhelmed when my unemployment runs out and I've yet to find a job that will pay the bills and won't even cover the cost of daycare.

I'm about to the stress level where I'm about to say enough. I'm not really sure where I would want a wedding to be. I know only a few things I want for my wedding. I want a massage the morning of, a nice light lunch before the ceremony, I want pictures, I want a nice and easy romantic dinner after the ceremony on the wedding night, I don't want to be too tired to consummate my marriage, and I want a nice relaxing honeymoon. I really don't think these things are too much to ask but who knows.

Neo-Marriage

Anyone who’s been married at a young age, had children and divorced knows the benefits that can come from a single status on many financial statements, tax returns, financial aid applications, any low income government assistance program. So why is it so beneficial to do things “the wrong way”? I’m of course divorced, who hasn’t experienced one in today’s society, but I’m also newly engaged. As a currently “single for tax purposes” girl this gets my neo-hippie side thinking and the long flowy skirts & sandals are broken out yet again; Ok, it’s summer so they’re actually already out.

I’ll share the story of my first marriage and divorce. We married when I was 21, he was 23. I realize this is young by today’s standards but we were obsessively in love. For the first 5 years of our marriage, including the birth of our son, there was virtually no work that had to be put into it. Our last year of marriage was a doozy. Work was beyond stressing me out, I worked with my mother in law and I hope I don’t have to tell you how bad of a situation that is, because of my mother in law I lost interest in my husband, I believe we may have had sex a dozen times over the course of that year, and at my breaking point I had a friend who took his own life. All of these things left me in shambles. I finally sought out help but unlucky for me as my first appointment was approaching my husband came home one night, told me he had been unhappy for a year, not once had he mentioned a word of this to me, and walked out the door of our home for good. This was the week before Thanksgiving. So I cried, a lot, lost almost 30 lbs in 3 weeks from not eating. Lucky for me I’d already had all my Christmas shopping complete so I didn’t have to worry about any of that. A few days before Christmas my husband asked for a divorce, as much as I didn’t want to I gave in and we took care of the whole process ourselves, no lawyers. He knew he was in the wrong so he let me have everything, all he wanted was to see his son on a regular basis and I’ll give it to the guy he does love his son almost more than anything.

But back to my main point, In today’s society a marriage license really holds no value, there’s always an easy out, the sanctity of marriage does not hold true in today’s government. If marriage is a covenant between man and woman and between the couple and God then why is government even involved? (I don’t want to alarm anyone who’s in a same sex marriage, I completely support you in your longing for love just as any other individual, but for the purposes of my rant, I wanted to referenced the actual church beliefs) What about the separation of church & state? I really won’t go into this realm of conversation. Why? If the government wants people to do things “the right way” then why do they make it so beneficial for people to do thing “the wrong way”. Now I’m also not a religious person, but I can get behind their views on marriage, less the 1 Man & 1 Woman only thing.

But again back to topic. I’m getting married! But how? My neo-hippie brain is working this out as we speak. Besides my “down with the man” attitude, I have a bit of knowledge on the financial side as well. I’ve prepared taxes for about 5 years now and I’ve witnessed the benefits single mothers or individual are granted. And I also know from personal experience the many fewer benefits you receive from being married on your tax return. Another penalty I’ve recently come upon is government assistance for college. Before my divorce I was expected to pay for college entirely out of pocket. I did not qualify for any government assistance. Now that I’m a “single mother” almost every bit of my college is being paid for. And I won’t dive into all the other “single mother” government assistance programs that are available. This Link has a few more of the general pros & cons on the financial side of marriage. All I really took from this is to just make sure to make it legal before either one of you kicks the bucket. But that’s what I’m saying, if it’s only going to benefit us after one or the other passes then why should we penalize ourselves when we’ve got long lives to live?

Why, if no legal state marriage then do I want all the pretties that go along with your standard wedding vows? I have a soft spot for symbols, and wedding and rings are just that. Forgive me women’s rights activist but I want the world to see that I belong to my man and him to me. I’m proud to be his woman; if I wasn’t then I’m sure I wouldn’t be so concerned about the current topic. As for a wedding, I want to share our union with our family and friends and I’d like for us to look nice doing that. I really don’t think it’s too much to ask.

My plan for this religious/government mess: In a short simple explanation, I want a contract. Between me and my spouse, stating that in the event of impending separation we are legally bound to attend a minimum of 6 months of weekly counseling. If a split is because of a person’s unfaithfulness then the guilty party is to leave the relationship immediately with a steep financial penalty. (Because really, let’s face it the only way you can hurt someone who’s not invested is by hitting their pocketbook) Children, custody and child support can also be written into this contract. For me personally this would be to insure that either parent’s rights are not taken away, both have options, and lastly that the children are taken care of in the best possible way. (Satisfactory living spaces and everything else a child deserves with both parents together or separately) Keep in mind this contract could be constructed to fit the needs of any individual couple wanting an almost marriage without all the financial penalties that come along with it. It’s a rough start and I’m sure there will be many more conversations about it but hey it’s a start.