Beauty in the Breakdown?

Song of the day? Maybe. Song of the month? Possibly. Song for the last year of my life? Most definitely.

This only comes up because over the past 6 months or so I've slowly been discovering who the people around me really are and what they mean to me.

I once heard a movie quote that the reason a couple was separating is because they were nothing more than "really awesome roommates". As I look more into what my life was I don't see much more than basically that. Don't get me wrong, I do believethat there was intense and deep love originally but that I believe that may have been it. I didn't want to believe it when Kyle told me that we just didn't have anything in common anymore. Maybe it's because we really never had anything in common except the love for our son.

I've thought to myself that the only really hard transition for me when Kyle left was dealing with being alone in the house. The single parent aspect was not really a big deal because most of the time I already felt like a single mom. Kyle wouldn't join us on outings or to doctors visits. If Tristan was sick I was the one who had to take off work to stay @ home with a sick baby even though Kyle worked from home and didn't really do much except stare into a computer all day. Oh that's also what was happening when we were on our outings. We have a zoo membership and would be there every weekend, and Kyle would only join us a handful of times. Yea I know the zoo gets boring every weekend but it's a cheap outing, you can get in your exercise and the boy has a blast. Especially when the splash park's open.

I use to say that if you care about someone you'll deal with their friends just to be around that someone. Maybe I've lost faith in this statement. I want to believe it but after the newness wears off is it really more about just not dealing with those people. I love my best friend Jessica. She is probably the person in the world that I love the most besides my own flesh & blood. Granted I find her annoying probably about a third of the time she's still the person I'm always content to spend my time with. Doesn't hurt that her beautiful little girl is close to Tristan's age so that in itself makes our time together better and easier. But back to the main point. Do the people I marry or date really like me enough to deal with my friends on an almost every day basis?

it's been a while

Needless to say the lack of writing has been in direct correlation with unexpectedly being swept off my feet by the sweetest of guys. I'm not sure how I of all people get this lucky. I did have an epiphany the other day while talking to my best bud of long. I'm actually not lucky anywhere else in life but in love and I'll take that. I feel for this friend, she's a beautiful person (OK so I'm exaggerating a bit, but...) My friend has never stayed with a guy I recommended to her, I believe it's because of fear of something good happening to her. But I can't let this be my concern. I try to help her and I think she may have recently learned to listen to me because I would never intentionally steer her wrong, but it's too late for the many a man I've sent her way. But back to me.

I feel very lucky and loved to have such great people in my life. I'm grateful for my naive best friend of long, my kooky best friend of soul, my obsessed best friend of experience, my caring best friend of heart, my sweetest best friend of birth, and my newest best friend of touch and taste.

my escape

I've always had an obsession and lust for food. It's actually my one of my strongest natural instincts, right behind that mothering instinct. My love affair with good food is not as long lived as I would like but I'll deal. It's been a refreshing do-over from my most recent relationship that the new man in my life is a foodie who likes to cook.
I've never really been OK with just anyone in my kitchen. I'm very protective of my kitchen space, it's always been mine and mine alone. There have been very very few I've let into that space. There has to be a balance in a kitchen, a flow, almost a beautiful dance in synchronized harmony. Ups and downs, turns and passes, all to insure the safety of course and most importantly to the outcome of a beautiful and tasty meal to enjoy with loved ones.
Nothing calms me more than a glass of wine in one hand and a knife in the other. (yes I know that sounds bad, but hopefully you get what I really mean)My kitchen is my escape from everyday life. So why should I let just anyone in? I don't, so those of you who I allow in my small haven are pretty damn special. I've allowed you to cross more than my personal boundaries and into my life. I've allowed you into my kitchen.

Full Moon in Virgo on Saturday

I'm a superstitious person. Always have been. The few times I've ignored my gut have ultimately turned out bad, may have taken some time but the worse came out of these situations.
I check my horoscope. I don't base my life around it but I check it. It does usually seem to be a day behind though.
I generally only pay attention to the good days, cause if it's bad I'll already know it and from that point on I'll force it to be better.
Our lives are more judged by the moon than any of us really want to give it credit for.

Choices

With everything completely backwards that's happened to me over the past 4 months, I've finally realized that the choices I have now to make are my own and mine alone. They always have been really but there have too many others to please with my choices and being the giving person I am, I always choose to pass on my personal happiness for another.

The people I choose to associate myself with are by my choice. The people I choose to give my time to are my choice. The foods I decide to eat, and the places I choose to frequent are my choice.

There is one person only in my life that I will pass my happiness on to and I hope that's an obvious one to all.

on the road

It's 3am cst... I have never been so bored on a trip. I've got a lot of time to do some thinking over the next four days... also there's little to no intelligent conversation, so I'll probably wish I was alone the entire time.
My uncle is currently driving and making me sick and super nervous. I didn't know any one person could ride that bumpy side thing in the road for so long... and they got mad at me for checking my phone while driving... at least I had an excuse.
Looks like I'll be in Dallas Friday! Yay, I get to make the stop @ the new Pizza Hut RSC. I'm looking forward meeting some people I talk to daily and seeing some old friends.
I am finding out that what I believed is true... I am the only adult in our caravan on this trip ;).

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i, love, you

3 very small words that pack a huge punch when used in the correct context.

I'm still not sure how i feel about these 3 words. Obviously spoken there should be the feeling behind it but again it does not take speaking words to feel an emotion.

love is an emotion that can take time to grow or be instantaneous. generally it's based on an individuals acceptance of a situation.