3 weeks ago today

I had thought things were going better. Kyle and I had been having some issues. Some very deep rooted issues involving his mother and my boredom with my job. 3 days prior I finally got Kyle to talk to me. Finally it felt like it had been forever since he'd actually communicated with me on a serious level. I had been going through some pretty damn heavy stuff and I needed him.

Here is the text conversation (it's a short one)
B- Are you avoiding me
K - Hang on
B - do you love me
K - yes
B - any elaborating? :)
K - Not over Texts. I think we should talk come more. Tonight?
B - I don't like the way that sounds :(
K - we need to finish our conversation. we stopped the other night. I was drained from talking about it as much as we had.
K - It's horrible timing, but we're setting up for the meeting
B- All I wanted to know if you loved me and that i love you. i was just trying to be sweet, not serious or angry.

That was the night he left. He came home after his meeting and I couldn't wait around for him to
start so I jumped right in. I wanted to know what was up. what was so wrong. I had felt better about us than I had in months.

We talked for not too long. Tristan was in the bath so I had to keep an eye on him.

I immediately became defensive. There was no yelling but as soon as Kyle told me he was unhappy and had been for quite some time I couldn't not be defensive. I threw the words out there "if your not happy then I think you should leave" I could not have regretted anything more in my life up to that moment. I wasn't serious and didn't mean it and I told him that, where I then proceeded to beg him to stay. But he wouldn't listen. He was able to still close the door behind him even those my tears were beginning to puddle right behind it.

That night I didn't eat, I didn't sleep, I slept in my sons bed with him like I have every night since my husband walked out the door.

That was 3 weeks ago today.